190 Percent Proof
by Tyranno's girl
Summary: When dealing with the undead, one must always remember the essentials: 500 Cases of C4, a candy-apple red AK47, ten and twenty hand-guns... Basics, really. And don't forget to bring along your wonderful boyfriend who is currently taking a more... puppyish guise. High School AU, RussAme.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Alright, so I just wrote this fic up because I think that RussAme could use a bit of randomness. So, obvious RussAme is the main pairing. Also, OC use in the form of General Winter's crush Seren who is my vision of Mother Africa. **

**And... * sigh * I don't even have to say what was the spring-board for this fic. This will be a three-shot, two chaps going up today. So... Let's go. **

**Disclaimer - I don't own anything but my warped mind! Woo~!**

* * *

The morning sun gently broke into a bedroom between a set of cream and white curtains. The stimuli of the sun's warmth and the sounds of robins gently chirping as they fixed their nests were enough to earn a groan from the room's inhabitant.

The covers of the bed were slowly moved to the side, a young man sitting up and giving a heavy yawn as he scratched his short, cream-colored hair. He was born of Russian descent: his hair, large nose, broad, slightly-haired, muscled chest and, as he stood up from the mattress, very tall stature bearing witness to that fact.

"What time is it?" His voice, deep and dark like decadent liquor, rasped out to no one in particular due to just waking up. He reached a large hand out to his nightstand to retrieve a digital alarm-clock that rested next to a framed picture of himself and another teen who had short blonde hair with a hair-gel defying curl and a pair of glasses hiding his blue eyes.

Lavender eyes read the device's face, "5:00 AM?" He sat the clock back down, walking to the window as he seemed to think for a moment.

Finally, he smiled, "I have enough time."

* * *

The next hour found the young Russian in what could only be described as an in-home gym: complete with three treadmills, a swimming pool, rock-climbing wall, an impressive set of weights, a few fight-dummies, and even more.

The ream-haired male from before was busy doing pull-ups, his legs hooked onto a bar of steel suspended over the gym door-way. He himself had just gone through a vigorous bout with the treadmill, followed by tackling the rock-wall, then bench-pressing a couple-hundred pounds worth of iron.

But this was just a typical day for him. His family wasn't a lazy on by any means, his father made sure of that. However, since he himself was a quarterback for his high school's football team, he made sure to keep himself in the highest peak of fitness.

Sweat cascaded down his solid pectorals and hard abs as he pulled his upper-body up to his knees time and time again. So into his task he was that he didn't notice the time until a sweet, feminine voice could be heard, "Vanya! Come into the kitchen and eat something before you go to school!"

At that note, he carefully unhooked his legs: falling and landing on the heels of his hands before grabbing a towel from a nearby chair and walking towards the bathroom for a shower.

* * *

"Good morning Vanya." Was the first thing that he heard upon walking into the kitchen. Vanya, rather, Ivan looked over to the stove and saw his older sister Katyusha busy making breakfast. Katyusha was a young woman of twenty-three years. Her blonde hair was cut into a short bob, several fringes held back by a simple hair-pin. Her most stunning features, however, had to be her kind blue eyes...

And her more than impressive bust that she always had to struggle to keep inside her shirts and dresses whenever she worked.

Ivan took a seat at the dining table next to the older gentleman who sat there. His hair was long and white as snow, just as his beard. Eyes like a frozen lake read over a newspaper that was laying on the table. "Father." Ivan nodded.

"Ivan." Winter nodded back before Katyusha handed Ivan a plate of pancakes, "Is there practice for that American Football today?"

"Da." Ivan replied, digging in, "But I will be meeting with Alfred this afternoon as well so I am not sure when I will be home." Winter nodded,

"Just make sure to call. And please to be keeping your phone on, I am not paying four different phone bills just to have them sit and be quiet." He turned, "That is going for you as well Yekatrina."

"Yes father." Katyusha smiled. "Vanya, Toris gave Natalia a ride to school today so you can just eat and head on your way."

"Thank goodness for the small miracles..." Ivan sighed. He then turned to his father, Winter blinking,

"What?"

"You should really go out on that date."

You see, Winter and his wife had come to America from Russia when their children were very young, the lot of them having to struggle to make the transition from Russian to English. However, one day, Ivan's mother fell to a very drastic accident that ended up taking her life.

So, Winter practically raised his three children on his own. But... There was one woman who Winter had met and become fast friends with when helping Katyusha apply for college. In Ivan's own opinion, she was a nice woman: very relaxed, down to the earth, African (for the life of him, he couldn't specify _which_ country), and very kind.

"Well..." Winter cleared his throat, "The thing with that is... I am not knowing her schedule... And she is a University professor, what would we even talk about?" Ivan only rolled his eyes, walking over to hug Katyusha as she handed him a brown paper-bag,

"Have a good day!", she beamed as he walked out to the garage.

* * *

The family business kept the Braginski family well-off. That could be seen in their impressive home in Northern California and the sleek black sports-car that Ivan was driving through the streets of Sacramento.

He had, unfortunately, forgotten that his boyfriend Alfred wanted to meet him before the first bell of classes at Capital High so he had to get there as soon as possible. "How could I have forgotten?" He gave a slight glance to the trunk via the rear-view mirror. He had just been so _busy_ lately.

Abruptly, the sounds of police sirens and screams tore his attention away from his thoughts. "No..." He whispered, shaking his head.

Fires had broken out all over the center of California's capital city: buildings falling apart and people screaming as they ran for cover. But that wasn't what made Ivan's blood run cold.

_They_ were the cause of that.

Groaning, shrieking, hissing... Shuffling and crawling across the streets, into buildings, all over Capital High... Skin and flesh sagging or falling from their bones.

Corpses... Thousands of corpses had been released from their graves and were out on the hunt on the unsuspecting citizens of the city.

"Damn..." The young Russian gritted out, tightening his grip on the wheel. His mind went to Natalia, was she able to see the threat coming?

And then Alfred. Oh, if a single hair was out of place on that boy's head!

With that firm resolution in mind, Ivan floored the gas pedal of his car: accelerating towards the school and mowing through swarms of decaying bodies (and a few living ones for that matter) until, after a moment, he abruptly pulled up the hand-brake: causing the car to roll into a deadly spin.

The seemingly out of control vehicle took more than a fair share of the moving corpses with it until it finally, _finally_, skidded to a stop: smoldering corpses all around.

A steel-toed boot kicked out the driver's-side door, Ivan carefully pulling himself out. One of the undead beneath him groaned as he passed by, just to have its skull broken as the Russian circled the remains of his car until he got to the trunk. "Let's see..." Inside was quite the impressive collection of firearms, swords, explosives... and more than a few bottles of imported vodka.

Ivan took his backpack and placed as much of the heavy artillery and heavy liquor inside as possible. He had gotten quite a bit in before reaching into the trunk once more and retrieving a long, sturdy, steel faucet pipe. He closed the trunk with a heavy slam, walking away from the remains of the car.

More corpses began shuffling towards the machine, but Ivan didn't act right then and there. Only when Ivan was a safe distance away did he reach into his pocket, retrieving a simple handgun, turn around, and fire...

No sooner did the bullet hit the exposed fuel tank of the vehicle did it explode into an inferno of flames, sending thick blood and clumps of foul-smelling flesh in all directions. However, that didn't stop the rest of the hoard from coming closer to try their hand at killing the Russian.

Ivan didn't even flinch. He tightened his grip on the pipe, spinning it once in a slow, calculating motion, lavender eyes keeping track of the corpses' movements.

Then... they attacked.

* * *

"Alfred?" Ivan's voice could be heard echoing through the school courtyard. The Russian male ran into the garden-like enclosure, his breathing coming in the form of sharp pants and his pipe caked in dark, viscous blood.

"Where could he be?" He asked, trying not to let his mind go to the worst, "Alfred!" He was so focused on trying to find the other, that he didn't notice that he was being watched: growls rumbling from behind a hedge.

Quicker than the wind, a corpse jumped out of that same hedge: mouth dripping off-colored saliva. It's dead eyes were still sparking with hunger and Ivan looked like more than a hearty meal.

"IVAN!" The cream-haired teen turned around just in time to see the corpse being tackled away by the teenager in his photograph. However, that simple image would never have been able to do Alfred any real justice: not with the way the sun danced over his golden hair, his precious baby-blue eyes, his honeyed complexion...

All tightened into an expression of rage and worry as he forced the moving corpse away. "Run Ivan!" He shouted, "Go get help, I'll hold him off!"

"Alfred, no!" Ivan moved to rush over, but was stopped by something grabbing at his ankles: a new corpse crawling across the ground. He slammed the pipe down, embedding the end of it into the corpse's spine before pulling it out and crushing it into the head.

"FUCK!"

Ivan whipped his head over and saw a horrible sight. It appeared that Alfred had lost the upper hand in his fight... the corpse's teeth ripping into his right arm. "NO!" Ivan screamed, bolting over and kicking the corpse away: stabbing the faucet-pipe into its chest.

"Alfred..." He whispered, kneeling close to the blonde, "Alfred, are you awake?" The other teen's eyelids fluttered open, the blonde smiling,

"Hey big guy..." Ivan smiled at the nickname the other had for him, "You alright? You know, I was pretty heroic back there..." He broke into a haggard cough, Ivan clenching his teeth together in a forced smile, hiding on-coming tears,

"Da... You were."

Alfred glanced down to his arm, whistling, "Bastard sure did a number on me though. Fuck, I don't even think I could cover this up with makeup or anything. Hey... Ivan..."

"Yes?"

"That thing, I think it was a zombie... Either that or my mind is going fuzzy from whatever it put in me with that bite." He looked up when he felt Ivan's arms trembling and his breath catch, "Damn it... All I wanted to do was show you our vacation plans... We were going to paint the country red baby..."

Oh yes, the road-trip. Alfred had wanted to travel across the country with Ivan for as long as he could remember. And since they were already on the fast-track to graduation with grades and school credits after the end of football season this year, they were going to pack up their bags and go.

"Do not say that..." Ivan sniffled, "You'll be fine. I just..." He looked around, finding nothing he could do. And Alfred was fading fast.

"Hey, don't worry about it." Alfred chuckled, hissing as a sickly heat began to roll through his body, "Think of it this way: I'm going out as young and handsome as ever, heh heh."

Then... Ivan was silent. He gently lay Alfred's head against the ground and walked away. "Hey..." Alfred wondered, "Where are you going?"

"Do not worry Dorogoy..." Ivan chuckled, "Everything shall be alright." Out of sight, he retrieved the faucet pipe.

"Um..." Alfred gulped as he felt the air of the situation shifted, "Baby? What's going on?" He looked up to see Ivan smiling a grin that was almost feral, the pipe spinning in his hands until was standing above the blonde. "Ivan?"

"I LOVE YOU ALFRED!" Ivan shouted, swinging the pipe down.

* * *

"Mrm..." Alfred groaned as he struggled to open his eyes, the lids heavy from sleep, "Wha..?" They drifted open, the view a bit blurry. However, he could make out what seemed to be an outline of Ivan's head.

"Oh dorogoy..." The Russian gave a relieved sigh, "You are alive, thank goodness it worked!" Alfred's eyes shut again, the blonde trying to get his vision cleared.

"Hey big guy..." He whispered through a heavy yawn, "What happened back there?" He was curious as to what happened and if that whole deal with that undead corpse had been real or the result of too many late night sessions of Nazi Zombies. Alfred reached up a hand to wipe some of the sleep out of his eyes... And noticed that his hand was... _hairier_ than he had remembered. Come to think of it, he couldn't move his fingers. It was like he didn't even _have_ fingers! And, looking back to Ivan's smiling face, he noted that the other was holding him up higher from the ground than he usually could.

Breathing becoming quick, Alfred tried to look around. His vision, though clearer than it was, was still blurry because he didn't have his glasses. But he could make out certain things. The two of them were in a classroom, okay that meant they were in the school, but he couldn't help but feel that something was _horribly_ wrong.

"Fuck, I need a drink..." He groaned, reaching up to move his hair from his eyes... And seeing a paw. "_Huh..?"_

"Alfred, please..." Ivan gently spoke, trying to calm the other down, "Just take things one at a time and..." Alfred completely ignored Ivan and whipped his head around, finally finding the reflective surface of a over-turned TV.

The image that was presented to him, however, was of Ivan holding a small, Golden Retriever puppy. The sight would have been cute if Alfred could see himself. Wait a minute though... The puppy's shade of hair was almost _exactly_ like his own... There was even a stubborn curl on top of its head. It even had beautiful baby-blue eyes.

Alfred blinked.

The Puppy blinked at the same time.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"Please to stop screaming!" Ivan sobbed, holding the puppy that used to be his boyfriend as he tried to plead his case, his emotions causing his English to become sloppy, "It was only thing I could do to save you!" Alfred squirmed out of Ivan's grasp, falling to the floor on all fours.

"No... No. No! This is _not_ happening!" The Golden Retriever puppy began pacing back and forth as his mind tried, and failed, to get a handle on things. "Ivan, what _fuck_ happened to my _body_?"

Ivan fell to his knees in front of the small blonde pup, crying, "Don't be mad! It was the only thing I could think of!" The Russian frowned, wiping one of the tears from his eyes, "Actually, I would appreciate some gratitude for this..."

"WHAT?" Alfred barked, "What _is_ this? Ivan, tell me what the fuck is going on _NOW_!" Ivan sat down in a more comfortable position before he began,

"As you probably remember, when we met in the park you were attacked by that undead corpse."

"Undead..." Alfred thought for a second, "You mean that zombie?" Ivan nodded,

"It bit you. The saliva of the undead is more lethal than any poison. A single bite can infect a victim's entire body in less than 5 minutes." A shaky breath, "I was so frightened... the thought of losing you to the poison... and having to be the one to _kill_ you..."

"Kill me?" Alfred yelped, "The fuck do you mean 'kill me'?"

"Dorogoy, please." Ivan hushed the puppy, both for want of continuing his story but also because he thought he heard something in the hallways. "I could never harm you... But I couldn't let you become infected either. Fortunately..." He glanced to Alfred's new physique, "The moment you had begun to succumb to the poison, the most _adorable_ puppy passed by!"

* * *

_If Ivan had had a better choice for this, he would have taken it. But after he had cracked Alfred's skull open, he knew that he only had a few precious moments before the blonde's blood would stop flowing. _

_He had to act fast. _

_He ripped out a hunting knife from his boot and, in no time at all, ripped away his boyfriend's shirt and forced the knife into his chest: quickly and carefully cutting through organ and around bone until he reached his target... _

_The heart. _

"_Here boy..." He whispered to the puppy as it slowly padded over. When it was close enough, Ivan held out the slowly beating heart, "I have a treat for you..." The puppy slowly licked at the dripping organ, eventually chewing into it. "Good, good..." Ivan whispered, continuing with his plan. He dipped his free hand into the body's chest cavity and returned with some fresher blood: rubbing it into the puppy's fur. _

_In no time, the puppy had finished off the last slivers of Alfred's heart. Ivan sat back on his heels and used more blood to draw a series of symbols on the ground: mouthing out Slavic words and phrases long forgotten. _

_When the symbols were complete, he pressed both of his hands to the ground: the blood symbols and the sanguine liquid on the puppy glowing until the small animal keeled over, it's brown fur slowly turning into golden blonde..._

* * *

"I..." Ivan hummed, looking away from the angry, confused puppy, "Used an ancient soul-transfusion spell to save you."

"SO YOU TURNED ME INTO A _FUCKING_ FURRY?" Alfred screamed, managing to stand up on his hind-legs for a moment before falling onto his rump. "Ow..." He whined, "Tails hurt... Wait a minute, NO!" He jumped up and glared up at Ivan, "What the hell is going on here? The zombies, the _spells_, my new, sudden urge to lick my own balls – Ivan, you're keeping something from me!"

Ivan groaned, pressing his face into his palms. He didn't want to tell Alfred his secret, his _family's_ secret. But it was seeming like he wasn't going to have a choice. "God, help me..." He whispered, trying to think of the best way to do this.

While Ivan was having his personal dilemma, Alfred was still trying to get a hold of his emotions, his new body, and damn it if he didn't want to lick his own balls! But his new, sensitive ears caught hold of the jiggling of the door-knob. He looked behind Ivan, seeing a bunch of shuffling shadows through the opaque window of the classroom door. "Um, Ivan..."

"I..." The cream-haired male began. The hinges on the door creaked as the bodies on the other side pushed and pulled at it.

"Ivan..." Alfred gulped.

"I am..."

The glass of the window began to crack.

"Ivan, look behind you!" Alfred finally barked as the door finally, _finally_ gave way: moving corpses groaning and shrieking as they poured into the room.

Ivan, still in confession-mode, looked up from his palms: face set in cold, hard determination and stated, "I am the latest in a long lineage of monster-hunters." He then reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a golden handgun.

He stood, turned around and fired: the single red-hot bullet piercing through the all of the undead in the middle of the swarm, causing a series of explosion as their bodies blew into clouds of foul-smelling flesh and congealed blood.

In the commotion, Alfred yelped as he was picked up and tossed into the air: safely landing in Ivan's backpack. "Oh, fuck me," The puppy whined, "What next?"

"Dig around in there, if you please." Ivan directed as he picked up his faucet-pipe from the floor, the other corpses moving about the classroom, "There should be something in there that you might be happy to see."

"Unless its 'How to Get My Body Back – For Dummies' I doubt that." Alfred snapped but, nonetheless, sank into the backpack and rummaged around until he found what appeared to be... "My glasses!"

"I can re-size them..." The cream-haired male offered as he shot another group of the corpses, the lot exploding into rotting flesh, "If need be." Alfred used his mouth to toss the eye-wear into the air before they landed on his face.

"Nah, they still fit." Vision back, Alfred looked around and was able to scream, "Ivan, look out!" Just as a male corpse lunged towards Ivan. The Russian narrowed his eyes before turning around and swinging his pipe into the corpse's skull: fragments of bone and chunks of inflamed grey-matter flying out.

When the corpses didn't seem to want to give in, Ivan rested the pipe on his back in favor of reaching into one of the many compartments of his backpack and pulling out a hammer and sickle. "Hey, wait a minute." Alfred tilted his head, "I think I was absent for this part of history." Ivan couldn't help but chuckle, even when he charged into the fray: cracking jaws with the hammer and slicing bodies apart with the sickle's blade.

By the time he had a moment to take a breather, his arms were caked in dark blood and his hair was plastered to his forehead by the beads of sweat from his work. "I can't hear anything, guess the coast is clear." Alfred commented, perking up his ears. "Ivan, so what you said back there... about your family?"

Ivan nodded, putting the sickle and hammer back into his bag and settling back on his faucet-pipe, "Da, that is how my father was able to set up a home and keep me and my sisters fed. We are really more of monster-slayers than just zombie hunters, to be honest, but it seems as though this country is zombie territory."

Alfred's head was still spinning with all this new info it had to process. At least it looked like Ivan knew what he was doing, his fighting skill had been _more_ than impressive. Something clicked in his mind. "So... Your mom..."

Ivan, who had been scouting the halls, stopped. A heavy sigh racked his frame before he began, "A training trip gone _so _very wrong. She had been cornered by three of them at once. It was all my fault though... She had told me to run with my sisters to find my father... But I _couldn't_ leave her alone like that. And then..." He had to stop to lop the head off of a corpse that used to be their Biology teacher. "They swarmed after me. My training wasn't finished and I was no match for them all. My mother put herself between them and me. She... sacrificed her life for mine."

"Oh Ivan." Alfred whispered, "I'm sorry."

"No, it's..." The Russian shook his head, "It is alright. My mother's sacrifice is part of what made me who I am today. Also, I..." He trailed off when he saw that their path was blocked by a new swarm of the undead. At first, Ivan was a bit ticked about the interruption. However, he smiled, "Alfred, would you kindly hand me the candy-apple red AK-47 that is in that bag?"

"Um, Ivan... I've been sitting in this bag for almost two hours and I _really_ don't think that a gun that size would fit in..." Alfred suddenly sniffed, digging around in the backpack and, sure enough, fishing out the head of the deadly, yet stunningly sexy, weapon. "How..?"

"Oh Dorogoy..." Ivan chuckled, reaching back to pull the rest of the weapon out, "I see that you are not familiar with the Laws of Hammer space?" Alfred whined,

"At this point in time, I'm unsure about what I _thought_ I knew about the Laws of Physics." Ivan chuckled again, unlocking the gun's safety before taking aim. Then, running forward, he held his finger against the trigger: mowing down corpses left and right and clearing a path to the school's boiler room...

* * *

**A/N: **

**Please review! It would make Ivan so happy that he would play a round of zombie-head golf with you! **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Ivan." Alfred peeked his floppy-eared head out of the backpack to ask the large Russian student.

"Da?"

"What _are_ we doing here in the boiler room anyway?" Ivan stopped his swift run in favor of walking into the hot, subterranean room. Steam shot out at random intervals from the various pipes, all sourcing from the massive boiler in the center.

"Ah, well allow me to explain." Ivan began, setting the backpack down and taking Alfred out in favor of rummaging around for something, "First off, you should probably go do your business; it has been a long trip. Secondly, while killing all of the corpses we have come across, I have been doing some calculations..." He pulled out a simple rag, "And it is seeming that the ratio of dead to living is fairly abysmal. So... I've decided to simply blow up this building and see if there are any survivors in the city!"

Alfred, who had just come back from taking a leak on the boiler, yelped, "WHAT?"

Indeed, Ivan was now holding a large bottle of vodka: the label reading some random Russian phrases followed by '190% Proof'. "This should do the trick." He opened the bottle, about to stuff the rag inside... When he had a thought.

"No use in wasting good alcohol." He then knocked back a heavy swig of the strong liquor, Alfred gaping,

"That... is impossible."

Not deterred in the least, Ivan swallowed what he had in his mouth before stuffing the rag inside the bottle and then took a lighter from his pocket: letting the flame catch the rag. "Alright little one," He quickly grabbed Alfred and plopped him into the backpack, "Let us get out of here before this place is blown to kingdom-come!"

Ivan ran to the door before he hurled the Molotov cocktail into the room and bolted down the hall as soon as possible.

Alfred almost thought that the make-shift explosive was a dud, nothing was happening and they were already down the hall-

The entire school quaked, flames rushing down the hall after the young zombie-hunter picking up his pace as the scorching heat grew ever closer: Alfred ducking into the backpack when the heat became too much. "Ivan... Hurry up!"

Ivan looked around as he ran, knowing that he wouldn't be able to avoid the flames for too long. His lavender eyes keyed in on a window. Not thinking twice, his boot-clad feet kicked out the glass and he quickly jumped out: flames exploding behind him.

"Shit!" He gritted out as he landed in a bush. "Fredka, are you alright?"

"Mrm..." The puppy groaned, "I've been _better_... But, hell, I'm still alive right? It's just that I'm getting used to having an extra line of bone coming out of my ass."

"Dorogoy..." Ivan chuckled, "I thought that after all of the time we have spent together, such things would not bother you." If puppies could blush, Alfred would be crimson,

"Fucking... Ivan, what next?"

The cream-haired male looked around, giving a content sigh as the sounds of hunting had ceased: the sounds of burning and the building falling apart behind him. But, even though the corpses of the school had been dealt with, there was the rest of Sacramento to deal with.

A new problem arose: transportation. "Let us see..." He reached into the backpack and pulled out a map of the city. There were many places he could go that would have a lot of people, but he mostly wanted to see how the other participants of his craft were doing. "Hm... If we go counter-clockwise..." He reached for a red marker and circled a few buildings before he nodded, "Alright, the first stop shall be the Golden Dragon House."

"You mean Yao's place?" Alfred asked from inside the backpack. Ivan nodded, taking a few steps into the school's parking lot. "That's kind of far big guy."

Just then, two motorcycles drove up: each piloted by an undead police officer. "How very convenient!" Ivan laughed, Alfred tossing him his handgun. Once it was in hand, Ivan carefully took aim before taking fire: one corpse cop falling off of his bike and knocking off the other.

The machines came close, Ivan jumping into the air and landing onto the seat of one of them. "Ivan, you sure you can drive this thing?" Alfred asked, the Russian replying,

"Sure! It is just like riding a bike, yes?" He revved up the engine, the vehicle speeding forward.

"Grand Theft Auto, eat your heart out..!" Alfred howled as Ivan rode the motorcycle into the city.

* * *

Sure enough, the corpses had the lion's share reign of the city: devouring unfortunate victims in rabid gangs. "Dorogoy!" Ivan called back, the puppy barking back,

"Yeah?"

"There should be some C4 in there. I can not afford to stop and mix more cocktails, so we will have to revert to those." Alfred gulped and dug around, soon finding the explosives, "Be sure to keep the remote handy..."

The blonde puppy began tossing the small bricks of explosives at random, corpses confused as to what was being thrown their way.

"Now, I've been told I give a killer blow-job," Alfred smirked, pressing his paw against the remote once Ivan had driven a good distance. All at once, a series of explosions began: corpses (and a few civilians) being blown apart and buildings being reduced to rubble. "But _this_ is ridiculous!" Ivan couldn't help it: he laughed all the way until the motorcycle came to a slow stop in front of their location.

It was an ornate building decorated with the spiraling bodies of two golden dragons over the roof. "Wow..." Alfred whistled as Ivan parked the bike and walked to the door, "I always wondered what it would be like to eat here. Man, but the lines are always so long and there's no way in hell I'm paying 15 bucks for a fucking egg-roll."

"That is a shame," Ivan sighed, "Yao makes some of the best food on the Western Coast. It's not Russian, but it's still pretty good and-"

He quickly whipped to the right, avoiding two bodies that were flung out of the door. "The hell?" Alfred barked, yelping as Ivan rushed inside. Immediately, the pup's eyes went wide as he whispered, "You've _got_ to be _shitting_ me..."

Inside the restaurant, among red velvet and golden curtains, a swarm of corpses that had once been chefs were limping and charging towards a lone figure who stood in the middle of the chaos.

A slim body frame, milky pale skin, and brown hair tied in a loose pony-tail kept up a defensive stance as Wang Yao watched the corpses around him with careful eyes.

Two charged forward, the red silk of Yao's blouse rippling as he jumped into action: kicking one away and snapping the neck of another.

"It's like watching Jackie Chan on steroids..." Alfred gulped as more zombies rushed forward, Yao making quick work of them with very impressive Kung Fu skills.

"Well, it is to be imagined," Ivan explained, dodging a flying corpse, "Yao has been in the business of hunting the supernatural for over 4000 years."

Cue record scratch.

"Wait," Alfred shook his head, ears flopping, "What?"

"AAH!" That yell ripped their attention back to the fight at hand, Yao screaming, sharp teeth being exposed,

"I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH OF THIS, ARU-YO!" A sudden rush of golden flames surrounded the Chinese male, rising up into a spinning pillar of fire.

It quickly broke apart, revealing the body of a long, massive dragon: crimson scales shining in the restaurant lighting and black fringes waving in a none-existent breeze. With a loud roar, Yao flew forward: exhaling golden flames on certain groups of the corpses, devouring others.

It was a flurry of draconian hunting and when the spectacle was done, Ivan walked into the now-calm dining hall and called out, "Yao, my friend!" The dragon blinked, its wispy mustache dancing in the air before he flew over, laughing,

"Ivan! So nice of you to come and visit me, aru!" The dragon stayed in a bit of a float in front of Ivan as his voice echoed through the room, "I would offer you something to eat, but I wasn't expecting such an infestation of the undead today."

"It is more than alright," Ivan shook his head, "But, listen, I am in a bit of a predicament..."

"Oh?" Yao's eyes widened, giving Ivan the go ahead to reach into his bag and pull out Alfred by the scruff of his neck. "Ah..." The dragon hummed as he inspected the pup, "A soul-transfusion spell... And the ethereal stitching is so fine! You've gotten better over the years, aru..."

"Um..." Alfred frowned, "Can we get to the matter of _changing me back_?"

"Oh, yes." Yao shook his head from the onslaught of cuteness, "Well, I would love to help, I really would... But with the onslaught of the undead, the streams of mystic energies in this city have been thrown out of whack."

Ivan nodded, "That would be explaining why we did not sense this coming." Yao lowered his head and looked Alfred dead in the eyes, dragon to puppy,

"We will change you back, don't worry. But I will need help Ivan," He looked to the Russian, "A body-morphing spell is a heavy endeavor. If you can retrieve your father, Seren, Aldric, and Arthur, we might be able to reverse this... Once the undead have been brought down to a manageable degree, aru-yo."

"I see..." The cream-haired male hummed before nodding with a smile, "Then I shall get started on finding them." The dragon in front of them nodded before stating,

"Well then, Ivan, Alfred, I will see you then. Stay safe."

And with that, Yao flew off, crashing through the restaurant's ceiling: a flourish of fireworks exploding in his wake. "Well Gung Hay Fat Choy..." Alfred whispered.

"Alfred!" Ivan gasped, smiling, "I did not know you knew Chinese! Nihao! 如何在这个下午呢? 您是否想要吃点儿什么吗? 怎么你的家人呢 (How are you this afternoon? Would you like something to eat? How's your family?)"

"Ivan..." Alfred frowned, "I don't know Chinese, I only knew that phrase."

"You are simply _too_ cute for words!" Ivan laughed, placing Alfred back into his backpack as he walked back outside to the motorcycle. "But I am thinking that you want to get in your own body as quickly as possible, yes?"

Alfred sighed, reclining into the bag, "You took the words right out of my mouth big guy."

"So..." Alfred asked as the motorcycle drove along the street, "Yao was kinda cool about the whole me being turned into a dog thing." Ivan hummed,

"Well, he _is_ one of the elder monster hunters in the world. The only others close to him are being my father and his crush that he won't acknowledge he has a crush on Seren."

"Oh, you mean that jungle lady that teaches at the University?" Alfred asked, Ivan frowning,

"Political-correctness, sunflower, _please_." Alfred rolled his eyes, about to say something else when his stomach growled. The hungry puppy sighed, "You don't happen to have anything edible in this bag, do you? I'd be good with some jerky!"

"Dorogoy..." Ivan chuckled. The little puppy on his back was being so _cute_! "You keep acting so adorable and I might have to consider bestiality."

"Wow Ivan, um..." Alfred whined, sinking back into the backpack, "TMI...Kind of..." Then...

_You've got your short, sad life left... _

_That's what I'm counting on... _

_I used to want you dead but, _

_Now I only want you gone..._

"Really Ivan?" Alfred frowned, the Russian male smiling,

"Well, I... Oh, just toss it to me!" The cell-phone was thrown into the air, Ivan catching it and holding it to his ear with his shoulder, "Katyusha?"

"Vanya!" The voice of his older sister could be heard through the speaker, "Oh, I am so happy to hear from you! Are you alright? Do you have enough sweaters? What about hot chocolate? Tea? Warmed vodka?"

"Sister wait!" Ivan tried to get his sister to calm down, "Calm yourself down and – Wait, why are you listing things that we would need on a trip to the mountains?" Katyusha took a deep breath, the sound of an inflating paper-bag in the background, before she continued,

"Well, I patched into the Pentagon's main-frame, we were running low on ammo and rifles, and I stumbled upon their military plans. It is seeming that they have caught wind of the situation here in Sacramento: they are planning a missile-assault!"

"Well, good!" Ivan laughed, "Maybe some of their stray shots will take out a swarm or two of the zombies!"

"Nyet Vanya..." Katyusha sighed, "One of their scientists, if we can call them that, thinks that the sudden up rise in zombies is because of the temperature and-"

"Ivan, hate to interrupt you and your sister's conversation," Alfred barked, pointing a paw towards the sky, "But incoming at ten and 3 o'clock!"

With piercing whistles shredding through the air, a series of ballistics missiles flew towards the city: each bearing a snowflake marking to show what they were meant for. "Damn it!" Ivan revved the motorcycle up, driving it towards an old, abandoned gas-station.

"Hey, uh," Alfred gulped, "I may have fallen asleep in Physics class, but full-on momentum against a sturdy building don't seem to add up and – IVAN!" Ivan was hardly listening as he drove the motorcycle into the abandoned building: crashing in just as the missiles landed outside, covering everything in a wave of sub-zero, icy winds.

When the explosions subsided and the chaos had been reduced to a more manageable state, Ivan slowly rolled the bike outside and looked around the now-frozen city. "Fuck me..." Alfred gulped, peeking his head out of the backpack, "Did the government really think that _this_ would stop the zombies? It looks like they might have just killed off everyone who might have still been alive."

"Let us not focus on such stupidity." Ivan sighed, his breath creating a small cloud in the crisp air, "Come along, our next stop is the Lion heart Military Academy."

"Oh," Alfred asked, "That's where Ludwig and Gilbert go, right?"

"And where their father Aldric teaches, da." Ivan nodded, hopping back onto the bike and carefully driving through the icy surfaces that the roads and sidewalks had become.

The Russian male's heart had been somewhat hardened by this new development. The government had _no_ idea what danger they had put everyone in this city. Because, contrary to common belief, the undead didn't perish in the cold...

They thrived in it.

Before he could tell left from right, Ivan had been tackled to the ground by a group of... undead cheerleaders? When the bike had crashed and rolled to a stop they began ripping at his school clothes, desperate to get to the flesh beneath: Ivan struggling to fight the off all the while. "Damn it!" He gritted out, turning his face when one of the corpses leaned in close: her rancid breath filling his nose, "I have seen _more_ than enough hentai to know where _this_ is going!"

In the feeding frenzy, Alfred was yanked out of the backpack and tossed eight feet away. "Shit!" He shook his head, ears flopping, to regain his senses before barking in a panic, "Ivan!" The corpses weren't deterred in the least, keeping on with their vicious onslaught.

But then...

By some random burst of amethyst-shaded energy, the cheerleaders were thrown back, leaving Alfred to whisper, "What the hell?"

Ivan's body slowly stood to its feet, as if being controlled by a foreign force. The new energy was still swirling around, his tattered clothes shifting into a thick, black leather ensemble that clung to every muscle of the Russian's body. After a few more seconds, Ivan opened his eyes: deep pools reflecting the energies circling him.

"Whoa." Alfred gulped, looking between his legs when he felt himself getting aroused by Ivan's new look. But Ivan didn't have the time to model. The cream-haired student bolted forward, at least twice as fast as before, grabbing a corpse and slamming her face-first into the ground.

He then snatched a shot-gun, that had been engraved with swirling, fiery designs, from his bag and began firing at will at the remaining zombies: each of them exploding into flames on impact. When the last of the corpses had fallen over in a flaming pile, Ivan slowly walked over to the shivering puppy and asked, "Are you alright?"

Alfred nodded, still quaking even as Ivan picked him up, "I could ask the same about you big guy. Nice threads."

"Oh, thank you!" Ivan was right back to his cheery self, "This is my monster-slaying outfit - phase 1! Simple, to the point... I enjoy it quite a lot. Also, the assortment of polymers and thickly-coiled materials makes sure that blood and all sorts of other unsightly materials simply slide _right_ off!" He chuckled to himself, "But enough talk of clothing." He tossed Alfred into the backpack and went to retrieve the bike. "Onward to Lion heart!" The bike was revved up, Ivan speeding off.

"Hey, how much gas is left in this thing anyway?" Alfred asked.

3... 2... 1...

Ivan slowly reversed the vehicle back to the abandoned gas-station.

* * *

After 'borrowing' the remaining gas from the gas-station, Ivan was driving the motorcycle down a crowded freeway: occasionally ramming the bike into zombies that got in the way or whacking them away with his pipe.

A few moments of this and something new happened. "Braginski!" Both Ivan and Alfred looked up and saw what appeared to be a young British male with short, blonde hair riding an emerald-shaded alicorn: the creature flapping its large, gossamer wings in the air to keep its beautiful body afloat, "This is all_ your_ fault, isn't it?" Ivan stopped the bike once he was in a clear area so he could yell back,

"If _I_ caused this, _why_ would I have to have turned _my_ boyfriend into a _dog_?" The look on the Brit's face was worthy of Monty Python.

"WHAT?" He shrieked, directing the alicorn to hover a bit close to the two on the ground. "Oh good God, Alfred what has he _done_ to you?" Alfred could only give a nervous chuckle,

"Well, if its either _this_ or being dead, chasing my own tail three hours out of the day doesn't seem too bad." Arthur still was unsure. But then a thought popped into his head as he hummed,

"Actually, you know, I _might_ have a spell that would transform _me_ into a dog for an hour or two..."

"Arthur!" Ivan snapped, "Enough of your sexual fantasies that shall never happen unless it involves a threesome! I am needing you to gather in the park at the edge of town so you can help us get Alfred back to normal!"

At the new revelation, a haughty chuckle fell from Arthur's lips, "Oh, Braginski... Your family _would_ be lost without mine, wouldn't it?" But, not to worry, Ivan had his own comeback,

"I would _almost_ consider agreeing to that if Kirklands were hunters, But as of _now_ you all are just a misfit collection of wizards, witches, and magicians who don't know what they want to do with their lives!"

"I hate you... _so_ much right now! I would consider killing you but I have bigger fish to fry on the west side of the city! Good-bye Alfred, I'll keep looking into that spell! Oh, and just signal for me when you find the others so we can get you back to normal!"

As the alicorn flapped its powerful wings to carry itself through the air, Alfred waved a paw to the retreating form, sighing, "Good to know..."

* * *

The motorcycle's engine slowed as Ivan parked it outside the gates of the large, green and white Academy: the roaring lion-statue in front telling them that they were in the right place. "Now we just need to find Ludwig and Gilbert so they can help us find their father."

No sooner had he said that did the western half of the Academy explode in a rush of flames: rubble raining everywhere.

"DAMN IT GILBERT, HE SAID NO DYNAMITE!" A furious voice roared as zombies ran out of the burning building. Three men, two blonde, one albino, were fast on their heels, though, each firing off hundreds of rounds from automatic rifles.

"Damn it." The older blonde with long hair, some of it tied into a braid on the left side of his face, gritted his teeth as he ripped out the empty ammo-cartridge from his gun and shoved a new one in: firing another round of shots. "Ludwig! They're trying to leave via the north gate since _someone_," He gritted towards the messy-haired albino who was trying to shot down zombies as the stormed out of the building, "Didn't listen to me concerning the dynamite!"

"Ja." Ludwig, the blonde with his hair slicked back, nodded as he ran forward: shooting as he moved.

"Oh." Ivan blinked after a moment, "I should be helping." Alfred whined, moving out of the way when Ivan reached into the backpack and retrieved a military-grade flame-thrower.

"Hey!" The blonde puppy barked, "You're like The Pyro in TF2! He's my favorite next to The Soldier!"

"Meh..." Ivan hummed, hefting up the weapon, "I prefer The Heavy myself..." Ivan slipped the gas-mask over his face before he ran forward: incinerating any and all of the corpses he came across. The commotion got Aldric's attention as he looked around and saw the young monster-slayer in the midst of the carnage.

"Oh great." Gilbert huffed, "Here comes Ivan to steal the action!"

Aldric shook his head before cuffing the teen over the back of the head, snapping, "Get back to work!"

* * *

The last zombie fell over when Aldric shot a bullet right between its eyes, the older blonde walking over to the Russian teen and asking, "It's odd for your family to come to this side of town Ivan. This _is_ Beilschmidt hunting territory after all. But then again," He folded his arms as he thought out loud, "This sudden uprising in the undead is odd as well. All in all, a very odd day..."

"Look at him talking about odd," Alfred frowned, "Hey buddy, you're not the one who has to worry about whether rubbing your ass against the carpet means you have worms or that its just itchy!"

"Whoa!" Gilbert pushed his father aside to look at the puppy, cackling all the while, "Oh Mein Gott, is that Alfred? What the fuck, man?"

"If you must know," Ivan frowned, "He was bitten by one of the corpses and this was my only option for saving him."

Aldric looked at the puppy before sighing, "I can't help until the zombies are gone Ivan. Have you talked to the others?"

"Arthur and Yao, yes." Ivan explained, "I still have to find out where Seren and my father are." Aldric hummed as he tried to recall something,

"I received a phone call from Winter just before those damn missiles hit. He was going to meet Seren at the to see if your younger sister and her class are alright. There was supposed to be a field trip today, remember?"

A frustrated groan rolled up from Ivan as he put the flame-thrower away, "This day has been nothing but trouble for me! Alfred!" The puppy perked up its ears, "We are going to the mall!"

"Sweet!" The puppy barked, "Because, you know, there's this new game I've been meaning to pick up from GameStop-"

"We are not going for fun dorogoy." The cream-haired male sighed, Alfred yelping,

"Oh God, we're not going shoe-shopping, are we?"

Ludwig huffed, "Not even _I'm_ that sadistic." Ivan rolled his eyes before running back to the motorcycle and revving up the engine: his new destination clear.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Aldric is Germania, btw. **

**So, one more chapter! Reviews help me write faster so, if you feel like it, leave some feedback please... **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


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